Monday, April 22, 2024
HomeLIFESTYLE#FANCYSTHOUGHTSAll You Must Hold On To: My Biggest Achievement

All You Must Hold On To: My Biggest Achievement

“I guess no one ever told you, 

All you must hold on to is you, is you, is you”- Erykah Badu


While I have received awards for academics in school and for my work as a publisher and editor-in-chief, none of them compare to my biggest accomplishment, which I achieved on October 7, 2022, when I was awarded custody of my youngest daughter, Hailey. 

It’s been over 11 years since the day that fateful day in court that changed the trajectory of my life. If you know what it’s like to have your heart broken, multiply that times six, then add betrayal from a man you loved. If you still feel nothing, imagine Uma Thurman’s story in “Kill Bill,” and you might be able to grasp the brevity of the pain and shame that I have carried with me over the years. 

And while it would seem like this second attempt would have been a hard battle, I must admit it was not. There were hard moments at times, but my daughter’s dad actually told me he would not fight me in court this time, and that is what he did, and I appreciate that. But I know that it must have been God at work handing me over my enemies, making them my footstool, because I did very little when it came down to the last battle, the end of the fight.

“Oh, when someone hurts you, oh so bad inside

You can’t deny it, you can’t stop crying

So, oh, oh, oh”


However, I will not discredit the years that it took me to let go and forgive my daughter’s father. That was hard to achieve, but something assured me peace of mind would follow. So I tried it, and it did. 

But then there was also the shame that I lived with even after forgiving him, the shame of having failed at the one role God himself had given specifically to me, to be Hailey’s mother. That shame followed me. It haunted me. It showed up at every event that should have been a celebration to remind me that no matter what I did in life, I had failed where it counts the most. 

Like the Bag Lady, I carried this shame with me everywhere. It knocked my confidence and sensuality. It made me serious and kept me alert. It weighed me down and ensured I would always struggle to enjoy the good moments. It was the chaos in my life even though there should have been peace. 


“If you start breathin’, you won’t believe it

You’ll feel so much better, so much better, baby”


But now I have put my bag down, and it feels so good.

I encourage every mother out there who has gone through a custody battle or who is in the midst of one, or whoever may go through one, not to lose faith or their will to fight.

Enjoy this reel I made about the experience. 

Read more Fancy’s Thoughts blog here.

Francheska Felder
Francheska Felder
Francheska “Fancy” Felder is an award-winning editor, publisher, publicist, and quiet Southern media mogul. In 2010, she launched SwagHer Magazine, an empowerment and lifestyle publication for the Black woman who likes to keep it real, which also doubles as a PR boutique. SwagHer Magazine uses positive media and storytelling to create new narratives and mindsets around Black women, their communities, and the businesses and organizations they lead, while the boutique strategically executes press and brand campaigns. The proud SU alum is also the publicist for Power Influence Radio and hostess of the CEO Chatter LIVE Podcast. Because she battles with bipolar disorder, Fancy is a proud mental health advocate.

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