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Do You Fight How You Love?

Do you fight how you love? 

Many people know their love language, but do you know your fight language? Some people fight how they love.

What you and your partner need to have a healthy functioning relationship is a priority. When things are good between the two of you, you’re showered with the cravings of your heart. Your soul is settled, and your mind is still because you’re happy with how you’re partner is treating you, but what happens when a disagreement, argument, or misunderstanding arises? Despite the conflict, are you and your partner continuing to meet each other’s ‘love languages’? 

If you’re unsure, here’s what happens when you use your partner’s love language to fight them. 

Physical Touch

  • These people greatly value hugging, holding hands, kissing, and other forms of intimate contact. For them and you, these things act as significant ties. Your partner is overjoyed when you are near or touching them; therefore, being cold and distant to your partner due to some conflict will devastate them. Physical touch is my love language, and I can say from experience that when your mate refuses to touch you, you feel undesirable and, even worse, empty.

Words of Affirmation

  • People with this love language value verbal acknowledgments of affection such as, “You’re beautiful,” “You’re the greatest,” or “I love you.” Compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and other forms of communication like “I miss you” and “Can’t wait to see you,” text along with public displays of affection on social media make them happiest. It would completely rock these individuals’ souls if you said mean and nasty things to them during an argument. Reneging on all the praise you’ve showered them with will create skepticism on their end, which could, in turn, make it difficult for your lover to believe your verbal expressions after the conflict has ended.

Receiving Gifts

  • Of all 5, this is the love language that is the most transparent and most concise. According to this love language, your companion enjoys seeing visual representations of your affection. Luckily for them, gifts don’t always have to be material; they can also be symbolic. Leaving small or significant signs of your affection keeps your partner happy; failing to do so because of a fallout could make your partner feel crushed. For this set of lovers, receiving gifts can not be substituted with affection, praise, time, and acts of service. As a result, resentment may grow, extending the drama between you.

Quality Time

  • There is no silent treatment or dismissal with a partner whose love language is quality time. This type of person values being together through anything. When a disagreement arises, they will beat a dead horse to get their spouse to engage because the thought of being separated for an extended period is triggering. They want you close by, even if you just cursed each other out. 

Acts of service

  • Large gestures and small ones, such as bringing them a cup of tea in bed or making them a hot bubble bath after a long day of work, are valued by this crew. Their philosophy is ‘actions speak louder than words’. By putting all your attention on yourself after a disagreement, you can be sure to offend your partner with this love language. For instance, cooking dinner and just preparing a plate for yourself or clearing the snow off your car in the morning before work and not their vehicle as well, could make your partner feel unappreciated and abandoned.

Unable to communicate respectfully, being spiteful, coming off emotional dysregulation, and holding grudges are the blueprint to a disastrous relationship. Active listening, transparency, forgiveness, and pushing through the discomfort and hurt with love are vital to having a successful union. No one is perfect, but everyone can love their partner intentionally. Keep in mind that consistency is imperative. I know it’s hard to keep loving your partner when you’re angry, but there are healthier ways to share your hurt and frustration with your significant other. 

Article Written by: Obsession | is a romance and erotica author, blogger, photographer, and artist from Chicago, IL.

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My favorite topics to write about are:

  • Relationships
  • Emerging Artists
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