If you are not like me, you at least know some women like me. We are the women who smugly proclaim our love for an older gentleman who is well-cultured and classy. We enjoy bragging on how an older man can intelligently discuss a variety of subject matters. We tend to feel more comfort and security with an older man due to his likelihood to be more financially established. Let us not forget how we seem to believe that a man’s age makes him a sexual sage. I concede that experience is the best teacher. I also ask you to consider the possibility that older men are not always sexually experienced. If you hang around the earth long enough, you are bound to be an expert at something. That thing may not always be sex.
I have had an inclination towards men who were 8 to 10 years my senior because of my personality. I am a laid-back person who doesn’t do a lot of partying or bouncing around town. I have assumed that men in this age group would be more mature and done with all the carousing. Well, I guess the universe thought that I could use more partying and amusement.
It was circa December 2017. I was in an unpleasant situation. I had lost pretty much all of my material possessions. I had no home of my own, no health insurance, no vehicle. All that changed when a long-time friend called me with an opportunity that she couldn’t take. Not only was I blessed with a new job, the opportunity immediately took me out of my parents’ house and moved me into a luxury apartment on Lake Lanier. I didn’t even have to drive to work. The company van picked me up from the gazebo every day while I was feeding the ducks. They gave me check advances and transportation to the grocery store. Could it get any better than this?
There is something that I like more than an older man, and that is a tall one! Such was my co-worker whose identity I’ll protect by calling him John. The company housed John in the same building as me. Now, I advise against dating a neighbor and highly discourage dating a co-worker. If things go wrong, you have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing them every day. Not to mention, if they’re not mature, they could make your world miserable on purpose. But again, I guess the Universe thought that I could use more carousing in my life. It’s important to note that I had been on two 13-month stretches. I had been 13 months without alcohol, and I had also been 13 months without any eggplant recipes. One night, several co-workers were in John’s apartment, getting to know each other. It was getting loud and more difficult to have this conversation with John that I was enjoying so much, so I invited him down to my apartment. Who was I kidding?
What happened in my apartment that night over into the morning is not important. (Don’t judge me.) I do want to point out the synchronicity. I had gone 13 months without drinking alcohol, and I promise you that night was the best Jack Daniel Tennessee Honey I’ve ever tasted. I am also 5’4″, while he is 6’5″, making him 13 inches taller than me. I had also accumulated 13 months of celibacy, but I learned that John wore a size 13 shoe. This had to be a green light from the universe, right? My point is this: explore your options. Usually, we don’t want to hear this as women. We interpret this to mean “lower your standards.” Maybe you already like younger men. Well, try dating an older one then. Switch it up, girl! John is the youngest man I’ve ever “dated.”
John is nine years younger than me and very athletic. His companionship does require stamina, hydrating regularly, stretching, and the occasional bowl of Wheaties. He’s been my personal chiropractor ever since. Some women say that a cougar has to be at least ten years older, and she has to be at least 40 years of age. The definitions vary greatly. You can define for yourself what your parameters will be, though. Society should not define your own personal, social norms for you.
Article Written by: Consuela Allen @speakerconsuela | Consuela is a Certified Life-Purpose Coach, Certified Peer Specialist, Respect Institute Speaker, Mental Health First Aider, Spiritual Midwife, and Songwriter. In other words, she is a lover of words. Consuela enjoys utilizing written, verbal and musical communication to facilitate healing and wholeness.