Time invested is what pisses you off! During a break-up or a betrayal by someone you love, you try to understand what has transpired. I’m the type of person that needs to know the what, where, when, and why. I have the type of mind that some would call analytical because I have to have all the pieces fit perfectly together, and then I need revelation. Many people, especially women, tend to carry men in their spirits, so when the relationship dies, we become distraught. Pouring all of you into any person, whether a platonic relationship or a romantic relationship, leaves you depleted if they are not pouring back into you. During breakups, we replay the situation and relationship over and over again. The goal of the replay is to find out what went wrong, what I could have done differently, and then, what’s wrong with me? Stop it!
Let me help somebody out! Several things keep us on the replay wheel, such as low self-esteem, losing who we are to who someone else wants us to be, and trying to control someone else. But, I digress. One of the major issues that lead to anger and bitterness is knowing that you have invested so much time into a relationship that is now dead. Â Time can be easily spent, but you can never get it back. Then, the cycle begins, and some will continue to jump in and out of a relationship that was never worth saving just because you invested so much time. Now, I’m not saying that there are no relationships worth saving, but the ones that keep you jumping through hoops and you always land face down are NOT worth it.
Time invested can be difficult to deal with after you have poured years of yourself into a relationship that no longer serves you or the other person. I know that you are frustrated because time is something that we can never get back; however, let’s look at it from a different angle. The relationship has died, and you know that you have given all you had only to be betrayed. I get it; it’s frustrating and hurtful, but what’s the takeaway? Even though things didn’t end the way you wanted them to, what things have you learned that you can apply to your life? Have you learned to love yourself completely before loving someone else? Have you learned to stop pouring everything into someone else? See, we get warning signs, but we ignore them because we think we can “change” a person, or we continue to give the benefit of the doubt to someone who isn’t worth it.
During this time, there should have been something that you have learned about yourself that can help you to become a better person? If you have only learned the warning signs of a poor relationship, you have learned something. Has your strength increased? Has your relationship with God grown because you turned to the Lord during your pain? What is your takeaway? Even in a loss, if you look hard enough, you can find something positive that you have walked away with.
Although time invested is time that you can never get back, walk away with a different perspective: wisdom. Don’t beat yourself up because you invested your time because you will stay stuck emotionally and that other person has gone on with their life. It’s okay, keep moving forward and learn from the “Time you invested”! Don’t get stuck in that place of frustration! No, you can’t get that time back, but utilize the lessons that you gained during your time. Let it all go! Stop allowing the time that you invested to control you. Haven’t you lost enough time being angry about the time you have already invested?
Start investing time in you! You’re so worth it!
-Anika Ennett
Published Author and Founder of HERR Healed Empowered Resiliently Restored
HERR is a platform used to empower women and help them get to a place of healing.
Follow on social media:
Facebook: Loving HERR and Author Anika Ennett
Instagram: @AuthorAnikaEnnett
Twitter: @AEnnett_HERR
Read more articles by Anika.
