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Who’s The Boss? Five Signs You’re Wearing the Pants in the Relationship

First, let’s unpack what it means to ‘wear the pants’ in a relationship. The person who wears the pants has all the control and power in the relationship. This person calls the shots and has the final say at the end of the day. Having one mate lead the relationship could go either way. Depending on the person, ‘wearing the pants’ in the relationship could be healthy or hell; it’s what you make it. Men usually are expected to be the dominant partner in a relationship. This ideology was born in religion. Many religions stress that the man is the head of the household and is held in high regard because he’s next in line after God. But what if the roles are reversed? What if it’s the woman running things? 

Ladies, are you the dominant one in your relationship? Here are five signs that you might be. 

He walks on eggshells- Afraid of upsetting you or making a mistake. His entire day consists of being perfect and out of the way so he won’t get lectured, condemned, or even scolded—this crosses the line from being dominant to being a bully. Cut it out. 

He asks for your permission- Whatever he wants to buy, wherever he wants to go, or whatever he wants to do has to be run by you first. Just like a child with a parent, he tells his friends that he has to make sure that it’s okay with you before he can commit to anything. Yikes! 

Accountability is one-sided- He’s always the one apologizing, even though he has no reason to be sorry. You never apologize first or admit that you’re wrong or overreacted. You wait until he breaks the silence and pursues you to dead the tension and bring back the peace. 

You control the finances- He turns over his entire paycheck to you. You pay all the bills, and he has to ask you for money to hang out, like a teenager with an allowance. Now, many women are in control of the finances in the home because we tend to be more organized and disciplined with managing bills and money. Of course, this is not always the case, but how many of you have witnessed your mother and grandmother sitting at the dining room table sorting bills by importance? 

He has no identity- Everything is about you. He eats what you want to eat. He watches the movies and tv shows that you want to watch. There’s no intimacy unless you initiate it. The house decor is all you, and the music you all listen to in the car is your playlist. Half the time, he doesn’t even bother to express his desires because you’re going to find some way to make it about you. I can’t stress how much of a damn shame this is. 

There’s a thin line between ‘wearing the pants’ and being toxic. If you choose to go by the good book and have a ‘head of household,’ make sure it’s healthy, respectful, and beneficial for everyone involved.


Article Written by: Obsession | is a romance and erotica author, blogger, photographer, and artist from Chicago, IL.

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My favorite topics to write about are:

  • Relationships
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