HomeNEWSBLACK GIRL MAGICMe, Myself & Lust: Why More Women are Leaving Hook-Up Culture

Me, Myself & Lust: Why More Women are Leaving Hook-Up Culture

What is celibacy? Well, it’s a vow of long-term restraint from sexual intercourse, often until marriage. Easily confused with abstinence, not everyone understands celibacy in the same manner. For example, masturbation is sometimes substituted for coupled sex when people go cold turkey from all forms of sexual pleasure. Even though sex improves our moods, boosts our immune system, and a host of other health-positive things, the hook-up culture has been anything but positive for many women.

Back-to-back stints in unfulfilled relationships. Fatal attractions. The toxic cycle of meeting, hanging out, having sex, then getting ghosted. They whisper all the right sweet nothings in your ear, we fall for the okey-doke and open our legs, then bam! It’s over. You’re left wondering how, why and what have you done to deserve this again? Many studies show that disappointment, bitterness and emotional discomfort are more common in women than males after engaging in one-night stands and temporary situationships.

To break it down, casual sex for many women brings nothing but heartache and headaches. Women are tired. We’re tired of wasting our body, time, love and energy on temporary arrangements. Ladies have said ‘enough is enough’ and deleted all those corny dating apps. We’ve blocked all our toxic exes on social media, reclaimed our sexual energy and are holding out for as long as we may have to for our Mr. or Mrs. Right. 

Hook-up culture has promoted commitment as a burden and flings as more fulfilling. Today’s women are more self-love-driven than ever. Dating is ghetto, and has been for a long time now. Women are so exhausted and desperate for change that they’re willing to do whatever it takes to protect their minds, heart, body and spirit. From the serial dater, serial cheater to the pathological liar and player-player that we can’t seem to avoid, we just can’t take it anymore. It starts with accountability, self-discovery and deciding to cancel hook-up culture and save yourself for a deeper and more purposeful romantic connection.  

The benefits of celibacy are overwhelming. The mental clarity, emotional wellness, a clean bill of health and spiritual growth all lead to one thing—peace. As adults who have had a partner or two, we all know that sex is deep. When we’re intimate with someone, we exchange each other’s energy, an energy that affects us emotionally, mentally and spiritually. After fooling around with someone, how many of you could even think straight? And because of that, your personal life suffered for it. You became emotionally fragile, everything kept you in your feelings. You couldn’t focus at work because you were too busy stalking their social media pages. 

Sex is convoluting. The constant mild panic attacks when you forget to use protection or just flat out choose not to. How often have you asked someone you’re sexually involved with to present papers displaying that they’re clean, meaning having them prove to you that they’re STD free? So now you’re not only worried about STDs, but also pregnancy. It doesn’t stop there. Women couldn’t count on their hands and toes how many times a man claimed to be single when he had a wife, kids and pets waiting for him at home. So this unlocks a whole other concern—how long have I been the other woman? Hell, how many times have I been the other woman? 

Practicing celibacy helps us set boundaries and be comfortable with them. It gives us the courage to rediscover who we are and our worth. It strengthens us inside and out and makes us solely responsible for our personal growth and happiness. Yes, the struggle is real, but the empowerment that women are feeling since turning to celibacy is unmatched. 






Obsession | is a romance and erotica author, blogger, photographer and artist from Chicago, IL.

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