2020 Won: Love Will Have to Find Me

Love will have to find me because I am no longer searching for it. 

For as long as I’ve been an adult, each New Year’s Eve, I yearn to go into the New Year with someone I think I will be spending the rest of my life with. I say “yearn” because it has yet to happen, and the years it may have happened, I now recall, were always the start of a breakup. I would realize that they were not the person I wanted to be with forever. It’s something about New Year’s Eve that really makes me reflect on my intimate relationships and how I would like them to be. I think it’s something magical about going into the new year loving someone and knowing they love you back. 

Unfortunately, this year has not been very different from the previous. I brought in the new year sleeping because I didn’t want to think about how I started the year out single again. 

Being single isn’t one of those things that bother me, like I feel compelled to talk about it to other people all the time or bring it up in conversations. I guess, for the most part, I figure that’s just understood. If I were dating someone and happy, we would indeed be posted up on social media… or maybe not after my last relationship. I don’t know, but I know that I’m different when in a happy and secure connection. 

And while this is true, I now realize that one can’t rush love. We can’t make love appear simply because the time is right or because we’ve done the work and are now ready for a divine connection. 

I believe love comes about in its own time. 

Therefore, I am leaving my love deficit in 2020. It’s like the bill that may never be paid or that won’t be paid until I can actually pay it because I have absolutely nothing on it right now. Over time, we may forget about it and then remember from time to time.

This is how I am moving in 2021. I can’t deny that the desire for a mate isn’t present, but I have no time to sit and fret over something that I cannot control. Instead, I intend to place my focus on my business and sharpening my business skills.

Love will have to find me because I am no longer searching for it. 

That may not happen this year; it may not happen next year. If we are honest, I long ago accepted that people die every day alone, never having encountered their soulmates. Does anyone ever wonder how badly they, too, may have wanted to be loved and not die alone? 

And yet, I don’t want to be the person who spends a lifetime looking for love and missing or passing up all the other beautiful things life has to offer. 

I truly believe that we are supposed to have soul mates in life, that life is not meant to be lived alone. It’s too lonesome for that. We need someone to accompany us, bounce ideas off, and simply walk through life with. 

Despite the pandemic, I want to learn to do those things that scare me alone this year. For so long, I’ve waited, hoping to have someone to accompany me on these journeys, but now I believe it may be meant for me to take on some of these fears alone. Maybe they are preparing me for when I will one day work with someone as a team like I’ve had to do with SwagHer Magazine. Maybe…

But again, Love will have to find me because I am no longer searching for it.