Boundaries are the way to go in any relationship. Boundaries set a clear line, identifying the things that you are and are not willing to deal with. Everyone has their own unique set of boundaries, and where some have yet to set them, the result is that a person deals with resentment, passive-aggressive anger, and a host of other negative emotions. The boundaries that you set will set the tone for your relationship, whether personal, romantic, or business. If you don’t determine them at the beginning, how is a person to know what is deemed okay in your sight? Below are three ways to quickly establish your boundaries.
- Determine what your boundaries are. Have you outlined the things that you are willing to allow in your life? So often, we expect people to be able to read our minds, and when they don’t interact in our lives the way we expect them to, we get frustrated with them. It may take a little thought but think about the things that you consider acceptable when someone is dealing with you. Make sure that this is what you want, because you have the control at this moment to determine what you are willing to deal with, and the other person will have a clear understanding. Ensure that it’s something that you truly want because changing back and forth is not a good look. Plus, it will cause confusion, and who wants to deal with that?
- Be honest and clear. At the beginning of the relationship, tell the other person your expectations and the boundaries that you have set to govern your life. This step is so important because it will give the other individual the opportunity to cooperate or decide that they can’t deal with the boundaries that you have in place. We always want to be honest, because this cuts down on the pain and disappointment of unreal expectations that lead to things ending on a bad note.
This process is going to require that you are assertive when talking to others, and it may be a little challenging for those who tend to be shy or a person who hasn’t gotten the hang of speaking up for themselves. However, this is a good leap towards becoming assertive to all of those who have yet to find their voice. What I’ve learned is that many people appreciate honesty and boundaries because they don’t have to spend so much time trying to figure out what you want, what they can do, and what offends you. So, go for it. Set those boundaries!
- Be consistent. There is nothing worse than an indecisive person. Once you have set those boundaries, remain consistent because you will complicate the relationship. As the relationship evolves, there may be some boundaries that you are willing to adjust, but be upfront with the person. Since these are your boundaries, you can’t expect a person to be able to read your mind and know that you have decided to change.
I recommend that once you adjust these boundaries, don’t try to change them back because you may have had a disagreement with a person. It will show that you are unstable, and no one likes instability. Consistency is required in all things, not just setting proper boundaries. The results of the boundaries that you have set are that you can honestly live with what you have set and are realistic in your expectations of others. One important thing to remember is that people have the right to decline to enter any type of relationship with you because of the clear boundaries that you have set, but it’s okay because it is your choice as to the way you govern your life.
Published Author and Founder of HERR Healed Empowered Resiliently Restored
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