Closure is overrated! Let me start by saying that it is normal to want closure. In some situations, people are left feeling incomplete. What I have learned is that the real issue is not closure, but getting the last word or the opportunity to plead your case!
- Stop focusing on what you could have said or done differently.
Focusing on what could have happened leaves you stuck in the endless cycle of the woulda, coulda, shouldas. Rehearsing the pain only provokes your anger and doesn’t allow the healing process to begin. The mind has a way of putting all of the characters in place repeatedly when we have been hurt. I don’t know about you, but there have been times when I wanted an individual to pay for hurting me or not affording me the opportunity to say my peace. Once I spoke my peace, then and only then was it over! Ask yourself, did rehearsing the pain help? Trying to fill in the blanks with the possible ways that your situation could have ended will drive you crazy!
- Process your emotions.
As a society, we have learned to stuff down every negative emotion that comes our way in fear of being seen as weak for actually not being okay. How many times has someone asked you if you were okay, but you weren’t? However, with your great manners, you said, “I’m okayâ€. When you need to cry, go ahead and cry. When you need to vent, go ahead and vent. I must say this, do not vent to everyone that will listen. Have a good friend that you can confide in and let that person be your sounding board. Find a positive outlet, something that you enjoy doing to assist with positive distractions.
- Don’t give anyone that amount of power over your life!
Take your power back! I don’t care who that person is or what you’ve gone through; stop giving away your power. Often you will hear people say that they need closure, but they are looking for something that may never happen. Waiting for closure puts your life on hold. Many of us are analytical and things must fit together for it to make sense. Unfortunately, there are times where things just won’t make sense or fall into place the way that we think they should. Don’t stop living because a person that has hurt you failed to apologize or acknowledge the pain that they caused. People that can’t own up to the part they played in the destruction of a relationship or pain that they have caused are living their best life! Get un-stuck! Live your best life! Give yourself permission to heal without closure and let go of the pain.
Courtesy of Anika Ennett and HERR
Published Author and Founder of HERR – Healed Empowered Resiliently Restored
HERR is a platform used to empower women and help them get to a place of healing.
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