4 Takeaways from “Nappily Ever After”

In the words of Jay-Z, “Boy meets Girl. Girl perfect woman.” Two years roll by and guy still feels she is perfect, however he knows nothing about her. She’s just that perfect, or is she? Nappily Ever After explores the world of a “perfect” woman and where she gets that notion from. It is the becoming me story of a woman who is forced into a change. This movie shows the impact that parents have on their children and exposes the why behind the projection that some women have on other women. In Nappily Ever After we see how we can influence our environment.  Sanaa Lathan as Violet was excellent. This was the perfect fix for my Friday night in out of the rain. You must see this movie! Here are my four takeaways…

Confidently me

Being confident in who I am should never change because of what I have on my head. There is a meme that says, “Shout out to the girls, trying to love themselves in a world that’s constantly telling them not to.” During this movie, I thought about all of those girls, out here trying to love themselves but have not a clue what that means to them. Society tells us who we are so much that we don’t even recognize ourselves. We expound on things that brings us attention, instead of standing up for what brings us joy. We are lost, lost in the thought that if it is a trend, we must follow it. That is not confidence; that’s being a follower. You are ego tripping because of all of the likes, not because of who you are within, those qualities that create the beautiful soul you are. Don’t dim your light, because it may not be the most popular. Confidence can be summed up as standing up tall, no matter who is complimenting or not complimenting you. It is the self-assurance that you are haute.

A Woman who cuts her hair, is about to change her life

11 years ago I cut my hair. I cut my hair, because my ex loved it so much, and I wanted to get rid of anything that he liked. What a fool I was. I cut it, because although my hair was beautiful, healthy and long by some standards, I wanted something different. I cut my hair because I WANTED TO! I can recall the conversation I had with my stylist at the time. I told her I wanted to go natural and would not be relaxing my hair anymore. She told me that people would think I was a lesbian. I had people tell me, nothing was wrong with my hair. It was perfectly fine. “Why would I cut it?”I went against everything that everyone else thought and cut off all my hair. I think my mom has finally come to terms with it. Everyone loved the way that my straight hair framed my face. Yet,  I love my short curly afro, because you could see me. It was not until after I cut my hair, did I realize how I hid behind it. I always wore my hair in my face. If there was an imperfection on my face, I could cover it with my hair. Not anymore, here was my face and all of its glory. I have a huge forehead, and I am not ashamed.

I remember years after cutting my hair, as I walked in a parade waving to the crowd with my pageant crown and slash, with no wig. A young girl called out to her mom, “Look at the queen, and she looks like me!” That gave me so much joy that the young girl saw someone that she admired looking like her.

A child needs male and female influences

We’ve heard the saying, “a woman can’t raise a man.” Do we seriously believe that a man can raise a woman? Good question, I believe that if needed, a man or woman can raise a child of the opposite sex; however a child needs influences from both sexes. A girl needs to be around a woman to know how to conduct herself as such. A girl mimics what she sees and inspires to be. It’s the same with a boy. He sees a man and takes on his personality. He opens doors and speaks to a girl in a respectful manner. He strives to be, what he sees. On the flip side, a girl looks to a man and sees how she should be treated. As well as a boy looks to a woman to know how to treat her. No matter what people say, we need one another.

Freedom

When the right time comes, we gain courage and freedom in who we are. Freedom is a little different than confidence to me. They are kind of under the same umbrella, but there is a bit of difference. Freedom is being who you are in the company of something or someone who can appreciate it. It’s the dancing in the rain experience. When our heart meets its counterpart and it just flows. It is the singing loudly in your home, off key and not caring who hears you. That type of freedom comes, once you have become who you are supposed to be. No, it is not just your self-reflection in someone else. It is going for it with no fear.

As you dive into Nappily Ever After, take a moment to identify areas where you have allowed society to mold you and where you want to break free. Take inventory and learn more about who you are. You cannot tell someone what you want, when you haven’t figured that out yourself. Don’t play into the stereotype of whom you are and where you are supposed to be. Set your own pace and your own goals. Create a reflection of what you want to look like. Don’t be the girl with a good heart but is spending all of your time trying to hide it. We learn how being free to be who we are comes first by accepting ourselves. And when we are in the company of those who are most accepting of us, we soar.  Smiles.

In the Wind,

-Arnya T.M. Davis