Dating is hard enough for regular people, but when you’re newly divorced it can be a completely different ballgame. Whether you’re back in the dating game after two years of marriage or twenty years of marriage, here are some tips for dating after divorce.
- Set clear expectations for yourself.
Ladies! How many times have you said that we’re just dating, nothing serious? Then, almost overnight you are in love and have changed the rules with the person that you are dating. Dating after divorce is new and can be scary at best, especially if you’ve been in a “committed†relationship for a long time. Be honest with the person that you are dating. If it’s casual and you both agree, don’t change the rules suddenly and not clue the other person in. Suddenly changing the scope of the relationship and not agreeing on this with the other party is how we end up with hurt feelings. We can go from casual to walking down the aisle in a week (mentally) and when the other person doesn’t want this our feelings are now hurt! Unnecessary pain! Ladies, be clear on the expectations that you have for yourself and the expectations for the person that you are dating. Saves time and pain.
- Stop giving your soul to someone after the 2nd date.
Getting to know someone is the entire point of dating. You’re learning about each other to see if you are compatible. Stop giving over the most intimate parts of yourself to someone you barely know! Giving too much information could be damaging if it’s given to the wrong person. I’m not telling you to be paranoid; however, I am telling you to use wisdom. Ask yourself some important questions. Why am I telling this person the most vulnerable parts of me after 5 minutes of dating? What has he done to earn that much of you in such a short time? Allow the relationship to grow if there is indeed a relationship. Be patient and pace yourself because this will give you the opportunity to feel the person out and decide if it’s necessary to give out this information because you may choose not to continue in a relationship with this person.
- Don’t keep comparing the new person with your ex.
If you ever want to have a healthy relationship, you will not do this! It doesn’t matter if you are comparing great qualities or bad ones, who wants to be compared to somebody else’s ex? The person will either think that they aren’t good enough (not measuring up) or they are the worst person in the world. If you are not over your ex, then take the time to heal so that you can have a healthy dating experience. Think about it, how would you feel if you were compared to your date’s ex? I know I would probably say some things that would make him blush. Trust me, stay away from this. Not a good look!
- Pay attention, don’t ignore the red flags.
How many times have you seen a behavior or trait in someone and dismissed it? Stop! Trust your instinct! Women have a built-in sensor, some call it intuition, I call it discernment. This is your opportunity to start new; learning from past mistakes and the things that we ignored that may have possibly led us to be single. Pay attention to lies, aggressive behavior, and just odd behavior. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then it’s not right. Move on.
- Please, please and please! Don’t pretend to be someone that you are not!
Divorce will surely change a person and if you’re not healed, you will spend a lot of time trying to “reinvent†yourself because you may feel that the old you wasn’t good enough. This is dangerous especially if the changes you are making are not genuine and coming from the right place. Often when trying to change because you want to feel attractive, you will take on the persona of a person who is the opposite of who you are. Sis, you are great just the way you are! Only make changes that you want to make, not based on emotions. Those emotions will set you up!
– Anika Ennett
Published Author and Founder of HERR – Healed Empowered Resiliently Restored
HERR is a platform used to empower women and help them get to a place of healing.
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