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Saturday, December 9, 2023
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Do We Act Out Violently In Relationships Because We Are In Pain? October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic Violence affects both men and women, but do we act out violently in relationships because we ar in pain? October is set aside for us to learn more about victims’ experiences, community resources, and preventative steps that can be taken.  This topic is triggering.  We ask that you take a moment to breathe before going further if you have personally experienced this type of abuse.

This topic is a very sensitive and hard topic to speak on, and we wish to provide more education on the topic in order to have an open discussion. The domestic violence statistics show that women are often the abuse victims, whether this is because they are more willing to report abuse compared to men or simply because it is just the truth of the situation; there are less men reported to be victims of domestic violence.

Statistics

Below are some statistics from NCADV.org (https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS):

1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post-traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, etc.2

  • 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered “domestic violence.” 1
  • 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.1
  • 1 in 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner. Data is unavailable on male victims.1 
  • 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime.1
  • 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.1

Sadly, sometimes men endure the abuse within relationships for long periods of time due to the societal influences of what roles men should play in relationships and the idea that women “cannot” abuse men due to possibly size, height, or simply their gender.

Yes, it has been shown that victims of domestic violence are slow to leave the relationship, mainly due to fear, and also because the departure, or attempted departure, is the most intense and volatile phase of the relationship (It takes an average of 7 attempts for a survivor to leave their abuser and stay separated for good. Leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship (https://www.respondinc.org/dv-facts-stats/)).

Other Reasons Why?

But can men have different reasons for not leaving an abusive relationship? On Bonobology.com, they list some of the reasons that men stay in their domestic violence relationships being because: 

  1. They think it’s not that bad: possibly due to being taught that they are emotionally stronger than women or that adjustments can always be made to fix the situation.
  2. They are Silent Sufferers: mostly in an attempt to uphold their self-image. 
  3. Low Self-Esteem: possibly have begun to question their self-worth and capabilities and believe they deserve punishment. 

Find more of the reasons here (https://www.bonobology.com/why-do-men-stay-on-in-abusive-relationships/)

I produced a podcast episode with Shaka Zulu, who experienced physical abuse from the mother of his child.  Shaka Zulu originally from Los Angeles, CA, is an author of “One Block: A Self-Help Journey Thoughts Quotes And Theories”; he is also a Pro Creator, Pro Gamer, Elite Artist, Media Influencer, Entrepreneur, Aspiring International World Leader & Business Mogul.  Our conversation is featured on the On The Ground Level podcast by For Us Nation.  You can watch the full episode here.

(2) S2E4: ABUSE AND THE MEN WHO GET IT | On The Ground Level Podcast with Guest Shaka Zulu – YouTube

Again, we hope that this blog begins to open the discussion for men to discuss their experiences with being a victim of DV, and to express themselves. We know this does not cover every aspect of such a lengthy topic and wish to continue speaking on this through our podcast, On the Ground Level, as well as our social media platforms, @forusnation. Please let us know your thoughts and reach out to us if you wish to share your perspective, whether it is anonymous or not (please let us know), and we can either share it in written form on our website and social media or we can read it or speak with you about it via podcast. 

Resources: 

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service 

800-799-7233

https://ncadv.org/dynamics-of-abuse  

https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-myth-of-mutual-abuse/ 

https://www.womenagainstabuse.org/get-help/resources/resources-for-lgbtq-relationships 

https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/health/lgbtq-ipv/ 

https://lacity.gov/residents/community-assistance/domestic-violence-resources 

https://therapyforblackmen.org 

https://blacktherapistsrock.com 

Tahyira SavannaAbout Tahyira Savanna: Tahyira is a lifestyle journalist and writer.  Her interest includes human stories and introspection.  She interviews everyday people doing their part to make our world happier.

Follow her on Twitter @TAsterisk and Instagram @iletthegoodtimesroll

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