Do You See Me?

I have a lecture series called “Lessons from Being Invisible,” and it has been popular for more than a decade. I don’t think its success and interest are because I have a knack for telling stories of offense in a funny way and with a smile on my face – although I do. It’s because these stories and the actions that create them resonate.  

As a Black female executive, I’ve become accustomed to them really, which is its own kind of tragedy, but, like many people lately, and after the Breonna Taylor decision came down where no one was charged for shooting her five times, thus killing her, nor did anyone notice for twenty minutes that she had been shot, I began to wonder if women and especially Black women really are invisible. 

Most of my world happens within the walls of business and corporate offices. Today, I’m thinking more about the assault of acts of aggression that Black women face regularly and not police brutality. As an advisor and counselor to business leaders, I always them (usually white and male) about acts of aggression on Black women in their workplace, and I almost always get blank stares. Today, I am going to help you by sharing a list of the most common aggressions – micro and macro — that happen to Black women in the workplace. Black women carry a special kind of burden because we are often subject to race and gender-based aggression. I’ve curated this list through various sources, some from first-hand experience and others I’ve been told directly. They are all relevant, and they all have one thing in common – they make Black women feel invisible or inconsequential. I hope you will read these, internalize them, engage in a bit of self-reflection, and become an ally to assure they don’t go unchecked in your presence.

Here is your checklist of things NOT to do:

1. Call a Black woman by another Black woman’s name. We would rather you ask our name over and over again than call us by a co-worker’s name. Black women have told me time and again that it sends a message that they are interchangeable.  
2. Tell a Black woman that she doesn’t act or sound Black. Or, the even more insulting, “I couldn’t tell you were Black when we spoke on the phone.”
3. Tell a Black woman that you don’t see color or that you’re colorblind when it comes to people. Aside from it being physically near impossible, you’ve just told us that you don’t see us.
4. Ask us questions about where we live or the kind of car we drive and then act surprised because you thought they were out of our economical range or they didn’t meet your stereotype.
5. Start a sentence with “Why do Black people…” as though we speak for the entire race.
6. Automatically assume Black women work in a low-level position in the company. 
7. Tell a Black woman to smile more or to be more friendly.
8. Call a Black woman angry or aggressive because she expressed an opinion with passion.
9. Assume your Black female colleague was hired to fill a quota and treat her as such.
10. Pigeon-hole, a Black woman to being an “Only.” As in the first and only Black (fill in the blank).
11. Touch a Black woman’s hair, comment on our hair, or express marvel at our hair. Just don’t.

–Charlene Wheeless is a speaker, author, and communications expert. Follow her on twitter to stay connected @charwheeless