I hadn’t published a #fancysthoughts blog in a minute, but I’ve been so busy. While I can’t exactly say so much has changed, I’ve experienced a great deal of growth… and love. And I must say, while everyone is affirming this secure the bag lifestyle, I’m more so focused on following my heart and aligning, flourishing into the woman I was meant to be.
When I hit 30, I gave myself two years to get married. I’m now 34. So obviously that didn’t work out, and a part of me felt like a failure. As much as this hustling lifestyle pushes us to our masculine end, I embrace my femininity. I do believe we as women are supposed to be soft. However, as a teen mom, former stripper, and several times homeless divorcee who lives with mental health issues, I know it can harden us. By 32, I began to try to picture how my life would be when I came into my wealth unmarried and unattached. While it didn’t appeal to me, I was certain that’s what I had to look forward to.
Before you all start to bash me and/or label me as one of those “need a man†type of women, I’m not. My past ranges from the single friend, to the always a side chick friend who just doesn’t get it, to the unhappy friend in an unhealthy relationship.Â
For those who follow my blog, you know I tried online dating, which was horrible. I really gave it a fair chance. I did, but the other person has to be as serious as you are, and none were.
When I met Darrein, I had no idea of the happiness he would bring to my life, how just being with him throughout my struggles made everything more worth it. Yet, I won’t act like I never thought these things were possible, but I’m the girl whose kissed so many frogs she gave up on a finding a prince.
And yet ironically, I’m almost the girl whose never been kissed. I say almost, because I’ve been kissed before but even at the age of 34, I’m still learning how to kiss. I’ve never really been affectionate in relationships. I’m very sensual, but kissing and hugging and all the mushy stuff, I never did. Kissing was always weird to me. I didn’t understand what people got out of it or what exactly they were doing with their tongues.  And the fact that I would share this with guys, always seemed to lead them to believe I didn’t want those types of things, but I did. I just didn’t know how to ask anyone to teach me.
However, I didn’t ask Darrein either. He actually just so happened to be affectionate enough to override my statement and take it upon himself and still be affectionate and I love it.
It really hit me about a year ago while still in my last relationship how badly I yearned for that type of love, you know like the kind when your man gets off work and you greet him with a hug and a kiss. I desperately wanted to know what that was like, but because my ex and I had so much crazy history together, we couldn’t just start anew. It would have been awkward for the both of us, because we weren’t naturally those people and a big part of our problem and my unhappiness was that he didn’t know how to let things go, so I never shared my desires with him.
And then Darrein came along with his hugs and kisses… If one of us walks past the other, he usually makes a point to reach out and touch me in some caring way, and I appreciate that. No, I relish in it and all of his love and attention. It makes me glow.
Of course, the fact that he’s big on fitness and has a nice physique helps too. In the beginning, I would watch him sleep and run my hands over his body, like just to get used to things, because all of it was so surreal to me. I remember thinking, “this is all mine?†LOL (and don’t y’all marriage pushing folks hate. Marriage is coming but there are kinks).
But it’s not just the affection; it’s the way we each seem to have a personal mission to make certain that the other person is happy and that the relationship is healthy. We are committed to making it work, because we both were on our last try at love. It is not something we have discussed per se, but I’ve noticed that we each have our own way of checking in with the other person to see how they feel about things, especially with all the changes we have endured together already so far.
Then we take it a step further and are honest with each other and communicate how we really feel about things. Often times, these conversations lead to sharing things from past relationships and life events, but instead of being upset about someone from the past or being upset about having to hear about them, we use those tidbits to better understand each other’s perspective of love and relationships or life. Through these talks we have learned that we have so much more in common than most would believe. We’ve found a connection and partnership much deeper than I ever imagined.
Personally, I’ve found strength. Darrein’s love makes me want to get up every day and fight for our love and better lives. It allows me swallow no’s and keep it moving or go and cry on his chest for a minute and then keep it moving, whichever works best. The thing is there is something so magical about having someone who cares for you.
 I remember I was so excited about my last trip to Atlanta, but I went alone, and before I made it out of Louisiana, I was ready to turn around. For one, I unknowingly got on the road in the middle of a tornado, but also, Darrein wasn’t’ there. By the second day, I really didn’t care what was going on; I was ready to be back at home with my man.
I love photo ops and being in the room and all, but none of those things compare to being in love and having that love reciprocated. When you have the right one by your side, the impossible seems a lot more possible. I’m not going to say that I didn’t feel completely whole before, but love fuels you in a different way, way better than any amount of money or accolades can, and it started by being real with myself and what I wanted and what type of woman I wanted to be. I love business and branding and all of that stuff, but sis, have you ever turned your work off and climbed into the arms of a man that loves and protects you at night? It makes getting up to fight another day ten times better.
