Thursday, June 13, 2024

Goodbye to the Good Girl

I hadn’t shared this with you guys but last month for my birthday I also joined a coaching circle led by Lady Shepsa. The circle is about letting go and unleashing your badass goddess. I was attracted to it for those reasons because while I don’t think I have an issue forgiving anyone, I do have something that I am holding onto, myself. I struggle with simply being myself a great deal because while I feel like I am always being myself, I feel like there is so much more of me that I have locked away somewhere. It’s like I have been waiting for the right time to let loose, but I’ve been waiting for over three decades now. 


When I attended #EPICCON21, we were able to see and talk a little with the online attendees who were attending virtually. One of them just so happened to be a 74- year old Black woman named Ms. Marva. The event producer and life coach, Aprille Franks, said Ms. Marva is her oldest client and asked her what made her decide to come to EPICCO21. Her answer was short but  I found it to be astounding. Ms. Marva said she “finally felt ready.” She added a little more than that but that is what is caught my attention. This woman had lived over 70 years and she was just now ready. Ms. Marva is proof that it is never too late to go after what you want in life. I love it! But I don’t want to wait that long either. 


That is why I joined Aprille’s mastermind and Lady Shepsa’s circle. I am ready to get to the next phase of my life and I think working with the two simultaneously will help me work through this good girl persona I am so ready to ditch. Working with Lady Shepsa is allowing me to see exactly how she was unintentionally created. I now understand that she came about when I was a child hoping to be invisible and stay out of trouble. 


Somehow she never left and over my lifetime, I feel like I have been developed a habit of people-pleasing and playing small. I never wanted to take up too much space. I never want to offend or cause confusion because I don’t like confrontation. I still don’t like confrontation but I now see that I cannot fully walk in my purpose if I am constantly avoiding it. I will have to face it at some points to get to the next level. 


So I am saying goodbye to the good girl. In our circle last week we hosted a releasing ceremony and burned our samskaras, which are events or experiences (in this case it was the events that birthed and enforced the good girl). We did so by writing them on strips of paper and burning them. I released things like people-pleasing and shrinking myself and it felt good. 


You are supposed to look into the fire as it burns and as I watched my flames grow and flicker I felt giddy. I am so ready to be the badass woman I am.  I am ready to take up space as Toni Jones says. I think there is so much more to me than most realize, maybe myself included, but I am ready to show us all! 


So today I am telling the world that I am coming out! 


Do you feel like you have been playing small in life? Are you a people pleaser? I would love to know more about you ladies, feel free to share with me in the comments. I will reply. 


Francheska Felder
Francheska Felder
Francheska “Fancy” Felder is an award-winning editor, publisher, publicist, and quiet Southern media mogul. In 2010, she launched SwagHer Magazine, an empowerment and lifestyle publication for the Black woman who likes to keep it real, which also doubles as a PR boutique. SwagHer Magazine uses positive media and storytelling to create new narratives and mindsets around Black women, their communities, and the businesses and organizations they lead, while the boutique strategically executes press and brand campaigns. The proud SU alum is also the publicist for Power Influence Radio and hostess of the CEO Chatter LIVE Podcast. Because she battles with bipolar disorder, Fancy is a proud mental health advocate.


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