Home LIFESTYLE #FANCYSTHOUGHTS Goodbye to the Good Girl

Goodbye to the Good Girl


I hadn’t shared this with you guys but last month for my birthday I also joined a coaching circle led by Lady Shepsa. The circle is about letting go and unleashing your badass goddess. I was attracted to it for those reasons because while I don’t think I have an issue forgiving anyone, I do have something that I am holding onto, myself. I struggle with simply being myself a great deal because while I feel like I am always being myself, I feel like there is so much more of me that I have locked away somewhere. It’s like I have been waiting for the right time to let loose, but I’ve been waiting for over three decades now. 


When I attended #EPICCON21, we were able to see and talk a little with the online attendees who were attending virtually. One of them just so happened to be a 74- year old Black woman named Ms. Marva. The event producer and life coach, Aprille Franks, said Ms. Marva is her oldest client and asked her what made her decide to come to EPICCO21. Her answer was short but  I found it to be astounding. Ms. Marva said she “finally felt ready.” She added a little more than that but that is what is caught my attention. This woman had lived over 70 years and she was just now ready. Ms. Marva is proof that it is never too late to go after what you want in life. I love it! But I don’t want to wait that long either. 


That is why I joined Aprille’s mastermind and Lady Shepsa’s circle. I am ready to get to the next phase of my life and I think working with the two simultaneously will help me work through this good girl persona I am so ready to ditch. Working with Lady Shepsa is allowing me to see exactly how she was unintentionally created. I now understand that she came about when I was a child hoping to be invisible and stay out of trouble. 


Somehow she never left and over my lifetime, I feel like I have been developed a habit of people-pleasing and playing small. I never wanted to take up too much space. I never want to offend or cause confusion because I don’t like confrontation. I still don’t like confrontation but I now see that I cannot fully walk in my purpose if I am constantly avoiding it. I will have to face it at some points to get to the next level. 


So I am saying goodbye to the good girl. In our circle last week we hosted a releasing ceremony and burned our samskaras, which are events or experiences (in this case it was the events that birthed and enforced the good girl). We did so by writing them on strips of paper and burning them. I released things like people-pleasing and shrinking myself and it felt good. 


You are supposed to look into the fire as it burns and as I watched my flames grow and flicker I felt giddy. I am so ready to be the badass woman I am.  I am ready to take up space as Toni Jones says. I think there is so much more to me than most realize, maybe myself included, but I am ready to show us all! 


So today I am telling the world that I am coming out! 


Do you feel like you have been playing small in life? Are you a people pleaser? I would love to know more about you ladies, feel free to share with me in the comments. I will reply. 


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Francheska "Fancy" Felder is the founder/publisher/EIC of SwagHer Magazine. She is a -Single mother of 3 -Libra - Trapping scribe -Lover -Mental health advocate - Country girl -Proud, liberated Black goddess ________________________________________ Long Bio: Francheska “Fancy” Felder is the owner of Fancy’s Thoughts and the award-winning publisher and editor-in-chief of SwagHer Magazine, a lifestyle and empowerment publication for the Black woman who likes to keep it real in life and business. The magazine doubles as a PR boutique offering public relations services and visibility coaching, and Fancy strategically executes brand campaigns for Black women CEOs, coaches, and authors. The former teen mom started the company in 2010 while working as an exotic dancer, but soon after, her love for empowering Black women led her to abandon that lifestyle. She has received awards for her work as a positive news publisher and journalist telling the stories of Black women and other informative news that the Black community finds relevant, including the severe topics of Black mental health and domestic violence. The podcast she co-hosts with Arnya T.M. Davis, Theories & Thoughts, also continues these conversations. Fancy publicly speaks about her battle with bipolar disorder with hopes of helping others begin their wellness paths. She also shares her mental health story in contribution to the I Am a Black Woman- Next Level anthology, an Amazon Best-Seller. In the summer of 2022, RallyUp Magazine, a mental health magazine, featured Fancy as their cover story, where she opened up about receiving her diagnosis. The McComb, Mississippi native is part of Facebook’s independent journalism project, Bulletin, where she publishes The Higher South, and she was a member of the NABJ Entrepreneur Academy powered by CafeMedia in 2021. The Glambitous Guide to Self-Love, Peace, and Confidence contributor is an avid learner and creative. Currently, she is attending Southern University A&M College, completing her bachelor's degree and rearing her three young adults. Fancy enjoys learning more about spirituality, Black history, and feminism in her free time, along with yoga and walking.


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