So I had big plans for 37, as I had already quietly set about doing and changing things up in my life, but when I say life has been coming at me with all types of craziness.
My car was totaled and my event isn’t coming along as expected in a major way. The car situation is major as I have to get my kids to school and their jobs and tend to other business, but I had also decided that I would start going out more. Attending the retreat was the beginning of that commitment to myself. Though it may seem small, the event was personal as well. One reason why I wanted to start a magazine was that I loved the fact that Essence Magazine not only published Black news and stories but they also hosted an event that Black people as a collective looked forward to each year.
I am unashamed to say that I would like to know what that is like. It may not be with the Bosses LinkUp event but I looked to that as a starting point. I want people to know the SwagHer name and with certainty know that we can produce an event that is worth looking forward to and attending. I also looked forward to connecting with other business owners and professionals, many of whom I hoped are readers.
So yea, I am a little frustrated right now, and yet a part of me says not to worry. Strangely there is a physical side of me that is not worried and that trusts that things will work out better than I expected. However, I don’t know if that is the foolish side of me or what.
It feels weird.
But one thing that I have been learning is to stay the course and not be distracted. From previous experiences, I know that I can make poor decisions to things when I react without thinking things through. All of these things feel like distractions to deter me from getting to where I aim to go.
“Where’s that?” you may ask.
To the top. I am tired of playing small and at this level. I’ve come a long way but this point right here is not where I intend to stay. I am no longer afraid or ashamed to say that I want it all. I don’t work this hard to just say that is what I do. No! I want some things- nice things, good vibes, and less work. I want the good life-no the best life! I love what I do but I don’t desire to be doing it forever or at least not in the same capacity.
So basically, I was ready to get things popping and then life came with its mess, trying to corner me into being the girl who is afraid of everything because that is who I once was. Everything used to scare me because I look at everything from two angles and there is usually a bad side to everything. I stopped taking risks because the 50/50 of things was just too much for me. I know it may sound a little odd, but it’s the truth.
Or it was my truth. If I may be honest, I remember being so poor I had to kiss everyone’s ass and stay in relationships I didn’t desire to be in. I am not going back to that woman.
See the thing about growth is usually when we catch ourselves growing we try to shrink back to the size we used to be. We get scared because this new person is unlike us so we want to revert to who we used to be. Sometimes the people in our lives are unknowingly more than willing to help us with that, reminding us of who we used to be.
But no, bruh, I want to be a giant. I ain’t going back! And if that means I have to face these challenges head-on, then that is what I will do.
As I write this, I feel more inclined to keep going, but I also hope you all get the message about growth and obstacles out of it as well. I’m almost excited! Until next time y’all…
From Fancy w/ Love
