Mary Joyner is a 39 year- old native of Delaware and wife of 17 years with four beautiful children. She is also a certified mental health recovery coach and a peer volunteer for NAMI Delaware, a volunteer for the Mental Health Association, and an advocate for Children and Family First. As she utilizes Herbalife to keep a healthy balance in her life, she’s also a  certified Herbalife coach.
Five years ago, Mary was diagnosed with Bi-polar, PTSD and anxiety. However after research and learning more about the illness, she now knows that she has  battled with these illnesses since she was a teenager and never knew it. Mary is a survivor. She survived child physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, incest, and two suicidal attempts. After suffering a mental health break and being hospitalized, Mary has worked really hard to maintain her own mental health and help others overcome their trauma. Dive into Mary’s mental health story.
Fancy: How would you describe your swagher? What makes Mary, Mary?
Mary: I would describe my swagher as a woman that is finally coming into her own, a woman that has in the past allowed what others thought of her to define her. She is now a woman that walks proudly with all her scars and mistakes, knowing that all of that makes her the beautiful woman she is today. My swagher is being unique within my own skin and comfortable with myself and loving everything about me. What makes Mary, Mary, is her beautiful smile, and it’s her loving but fun and crazy personality that draws others to her. It’s the passion she has for the things she believes in, the passion she has to create space for others to love themselves genuinely. It’s just Mary being an image of what she would like her daughters to feel about themselves one day.
Fancy: Are mental health issues common within your family?
Mary: To be honest, I would say that they are on both parts, father and mother. However, neither has addressed them, because I don’t even think that they are aware that they have them.
Fancy: How does incest take a toll on one’s mental health?
Mary: Incest takes a toll of one’s life, because as a child you almost feel like its normal. At least in my case, I did for a while. Due to this confusion when you’re younger and you see all your friends enjoying regular lives, you then become sad and depressed, because your life is not so simple. Many times for me, I wanted to die. In my case there were always threats, intimidation, beatings, humiliations, and harassment, but also in a funny and strange way some form of affection. You find yourself trying to love the person, in my case my father, but he was doing all these horrible things to me. Then your left trying to figure out why me?
Fancy: Have you been able to forgive your abuser?
Mary: Yes I have, there are times that I wish I could share with him the hurt and pain he has caused me, but he is not ready for that conversation.
Fancy: I know healing looks different to each individual, but what did healing look like for you?
Mary: Healing starts with this tour for me, I have never spoken out about my abuse. I have shared with my husband, but my children don’t even know my story. Healing for me is finding peace within. Being able to tell my father how I feel. Healing is an everyday process for me. Healing is growth and letting go, honestly letting go. Healing is sharing my story and helping someone through such a painful process. Healing is finally not blaming myself for what has happened to me.
Fancy: At what point did you decide to share your story to uplift and educate others?
Mary: I decided after I had a nervous breakdown and finding out so many men and women have been affected by this issue. I noticed that by sharing, little by little people seemed to feel better about talking about their trauma and sharing more. There was a sense of mutuality when I started to share.
Fancy: What inspired you to take part in the Crazy Like a Fox Tour?
Mary: I have been praying to God to help me share my story or the basis of my mental health journey, and when I read what this tour was about, I knew it was for me. If me talking about my mental disorders helps one person, it was worth it for me.
Fancy: What inspirational nugget would you care to share with our readers?
Mary: Don’t ever try and imitate what you see in others. Focus on being different and unique, as God made us all different. Everyday make sure that you are working on being the best version of yourself. Once you find out what that looks like, strive to become that person every single day. Compete against yourself and only yourself. Seek approval from the only person that matters, which is you.
Mary will be speaking at the Crazy Like a Fox: Black Mental Health Matters Brunch Tour in Atlanta, May 25th and again in Philadelphia July 14th. RSVP at www.crazylikeafoxtour.com/rsvp. Use code FOXY4 for 15% until May 6th.
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