Lately, I’ve been looking around in awe as I realize I am living the life I wanted—on a much smaller scale, but I’m living it all the same. What I didn’t realize until recently is that I — a Black woman, building her own thing from scratch — was already living a soft life.
I work for myself; I make my own schedule and decisions that make sense to me; I am there for my kids when they need me; I’m getting a second chance at this mom thing— like, I’m getting all the things I thought seemed impossible. I have a team that respects and believes in me and my vision.
Those are the major things, but even the smallest things, like being able to enjoy my coffee as the sun rises. Working in my robe and listening to music all day. Having time to read my books, work out, and handle personal business. I never got these things before as a single, former teen mom. The only thing missing is a consistent income, but that is coming. I feel it. I know it.
But it was while enjoying my usual morning breakfast and coffee while in my robe that I realized I did not have to rush. I had things to get done, and they would get done, but I could move at my own pace. I didn’t feel the constant anxiety I felt at my job as I watched the clock all day. On one hand, I couldn’t wait to get off; on the other hand, I never had enough time to do what needed to be done.
And don’t get me wrong, there’s still not enough time. And on one hand, I swapped a schedule to work around the clock, which is crazy but true because I have people who depend on me for part of their livelihood, and I depend on people who are going through their own things to pay them. It’s truly a double-edged sword, but I cannot deny how God has been blessing me.
It can only be by His doing that I have made it this far. I am slowly learning how to truly not worry and let him handle things, because I used to be one who had to keep everything within my reach. I’ve had to let that go because I am tired. So now I am aware of the issue and know it is being handled; I just need to be mindful of what I need to do on my part.
And I consistently prayed for this season for a long time. It was only last year when I was ready to give up, but something said, “You must see this through for yourself.” Looking back, I realize I was ready to give up my dream for a job, someone else’s dream, without even realizing I was choosing someone else’s vision over my own.
I’m so glad that I stuck it out and pushed through, and here I am now, in a season of expectancy, enjoying my own version of a soft life— and honestly, the soft life for Black women doesn’t get talked about enough in this context. No, it doesn’t look as glamorous as the Instagram posts; there’s no Starbucks, but rather my preferred McDonald’s French Roast and Keurig. No silks, satins, and candles everywhere, but I love my cozy, artsy home that I enjoy with my daughter and son. Everything is intentional, done by me, or has a story behind it, and it’s filled with love and respect. It’s a peaceful place. No spa days, but I splurge and get a pedicure once a month. No trips all over, just trips for work, but I’m grateful that I can get where I need to be, and I live in one of the most affluent Black counties in the country, so I am good.
It’s the little things, but really these are big things. These are things many people are not able to do.
Both my love life and bank account could be doing better, but I love it here. I know that a challenge is always around the corner, but I know that the only way around is through, so I will deal with each accordingly, but I rest assured that the bigger battles are already handled.
So my question for you, sis — because the soft life for Black women isn’t one-size-fits-all- are you living the soft life but haven’t stopped long enough to see it for the treasure it is? Are you scrolling through your friends’ and sheros’ feeds thinking you want what they have, not realizing you’re sitting on something just as beautiful?
I think about the woman in the Bible with the oil. That was all she thought she had. But God continued to multiply and stretch that oil until she could provide for herself and her children. That’s exactly how I feel. I don’t always see the abundance in front of me — but it’s there. It’s being stretched on my behalf.
And sis, so is yours.
