Wanda’s Mental Health Story

Referred to as “the repairer of the breech” by her former pastor, Wanda Edwards began the first Volunteer Ministry for Women in crisis transition at her church in 2005. Shortly after, that she became a licensed minister. Wanda relocated to Arizona, where she started a non-profit called A Walk In Her Shoes which focused on ministering to victims and survivors of the effects of Domestic Violence. She also became a Certified Domestic Violence Advocate during that time. Feeling alone and hopeless in an abusive relationship, Wanda turned first to alcohol and then drugs as a way to cope.

The battle with drugs and alcohol and subsequent depression was a particularly difficult time for Wanda. This is a period of her life that she refers to as the “dark night of the soul”. Once out of the relationship, Wanda began the journey to healing her mind, body and soul.

The licensed minister often says “becoming an advocate against domestic violence and depression awareness, was not an actual decision. It was something that evolved as a result of me trying to find my way back to me”. Wanda realized there was power and healing in sharing her story with others.

She continues to facilitate powerful and relevant seminars and workshops for women and young girls. In 2017, she was the recipient of the Phoenix Award for her “strength, courage and resiliency”, presented by Harambe Services Inc. In 2018 Wanda was honored at the annual S.O.F.I.A Walking in Purpose Gala for her “outstanding work and dedication”. She received a Community Advocate of the Year Award by the Power of Women Summit and a Certificate of Recognition Award for her play “Not Just October” by Gamma Phi Delta Sorority Inc.

Wanda is the producer of a short film “Colors of Survival” which premiered in October 2016. The film reflects on the very harsh realities of domestic violence but is focused on the HOPE of surviving.“Not Just October” , the stage play is the sequel that focuses on the need for continued discussion around the harsh and sometimes fatal effects of domestic violence.

She volunteers with S.O.F.I.A , a New Jersey non-profit domestic violence awareness organization and is a member of both Arizona and New Jersey’s National Coalitions against Domestic Violence. Her greatest joy is her children and grandchildren whom she lovingly refers to as her “3Squared”.

Fancy: How would you describe your swagher?

Wanda: What makes Wanda, Wanda? It’s always a challenge for me to describe myself, because for a long time, I had no idea who I was, what I liked, etc. However, now I would describe my swagher (love this by the way) as a personal evolution of self. I no longer feel the need to prove anything to anyone, and I no longer require outside validation. Don’t get me wrong, of course I like to be acknowledged or noticed every now and again, but it’s just no longer a requirement for me to feel good about myself or my accomplishments. I used to constantly seek validation in some form in order to “confirm” that I was good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. I don’t need that anymore. What makes me, me? I had to really think about this one, and what I have come to believe is that there were/are people, places, and experiences along my journey that have contributed to or have influenced what makes me who I am.

Fancy: Can you share a little about how you exited your abusive relationship?

Wanda: The truth is I had to escape. I tried leaving a few times, but it never worked as planned. My brother was getting married, and I knew he would let me go to the wedding. The weeks prior to the wedding my mother and my aunt would come to my house, while he was at work, and begin to take clothes, toys, etc out of the house. The day of the wedding was very chaotic and scary. I ended up having to get the police involved, because he would not let me take my daughters. We got out and made it to the wedding. My daughters and I entered a battered women shelter (that’s what they were called then) for three months. That’s how I physically exited, the emotional and mental exit would take years.

Fancy: What type of toll does domestic violence play on one’s mental health?

Wanda: Generally domestic violence will exacerbate an issue that was already there but was not being addressed, such as low self-esteem, anger issues, etc. Before a victim or abuser becomes a victim or abuser, they experienced something that caused them to process their emotional reactions in a self-destructive way. Depression is one of the major symptoms of being in an abusive relationship, as is substance abuse which is usually used to cope with the violence. Drugs and alcohol are mood and mind altering, so the ability to think clearly and rationally is blurred. In addition, if someone is being physically assaulted on a regular basis, they may also be traumatized. Trauma also causes a shift in our thinking and ability to process our reactions in a healthy way. The toll of domestic violence on mental health is a very big issue and one that is not always in the forefront of awareness.

Fancy: Do you mind sharing two tips for identifying signs of an unhealthy relationship?

Wanda: I always say that the first red flag is your gut, your intuition that something is not quite right. The top signs after that would be controlling behaviors and trying to isolate you from friends and family.

Fancy: I know healing looks different to each individual, but what did healing look like for you?

Wanda: Somewhere in the process of leaving the abuse, being diagnosed with depression and getting clean from drugs; I was introduced to this concept of telling my truth and I didn’t like it. It hurt, and it wasn’t pretty. My healing process took a long time, because I wasn’t willing or able to get honest. Once I was able to tell myself the truth and forgive myself, then I was able to begin to heal. Slowly peeling off the layers of shame, guilt, and embarrassment. Learning to tell the truth, my truth, is how I continue to heal.

Fancy: At what point did you decide to share your story to uplift and educate others?

Wanda: Well honestly, I don’t know; it never felt like a decision. It felt more like a calling. Uplifting and educating others began to bring me to new levels of acceptance and peace in my own life. This question is making me cry. It’s deep. The more I shared the more I learned about myself.

Fancy: What inspired you to take part in the Crazy Like a Fox Tour?

Wanda: One of the other panelists is a cast member in my play, and I saw her post and read more about the tour. Melony (Hill) called me personally, and we had a great first conversation. I was inspired by her story and the opportunity to go deeper about a topic that is so very important to black women.

Fancy: What inspirational nugget would you care to share with our readers?

Wanda: Some days will be better than others, but every day is a gift. Everything you need is inside of you. You are enough. One of my favorite quotes is “She needed a hero, so that’s what she became.”

Wanda will be speaking at the Crazy Like a Fox: Black Mental Health Matters Brunch Tour in Atlanta, May 25th. RSVP at www.crazylikeafoxtour.com/rsvp.

Website: Wandaedwardslbs.com
Instagram: @uniquelywanda
FB: Wanda.Edwards