What I Learned From Dating Another Woman

It’s Pride Month, and this weekend I watched online as the one woman I briefly dated got married. I was a little hurt.

While I write about her in my upcoming book, I’ve never tried writing about her online. I’m hoping she doesn’t see this, but not for any particular reason; it just feels odd. 

Anyway, our time together was pretty short. She said I was the first Black girl she ever dated. I guess I was also the last. So now I know how guys feel… 

Our parting was my fault. I wasn’t sure about where I wanted to be. The whole thing was new to me. She was really nice, and the experience was very empowering. While it’s nice to please a man, women are certainly more particular, making the experience more of a conquest, which I guess is why men enjoy it so.

I also liked that she too was somewhat of an Oreo, but she told me she didn’t identify as either female or male, and I was already confused, so that didn’t help. As a mother of three, for me personally, not having a clearly defined role of who did what in a relationship was scary. I have always been a prissy girl and revel in my femininity when I can, so I was comfortable with myself and my role in a relationship, but I was not sure about who she was or what I could expect of her if she didn’t identify in anyway. Back then I was too timid to ask to how would or how could things work between us or if she understood what all she would really be taking on.

I use the term “taking on”, because before her I had dated a Muslim man, and he taught me that when a man goes into a woman, he takes on her responsibilities. So I was not sure how that worked with a woman. She had her own, but I knew it took much out of her, and I couldn’t imagine challenging her the way I would challenge a man. I didn’t think the outcome would be good, yet I often wonder.

But I remember how horrible it felt as things were ending, how I hurt her. I always thought only men issued out that type of pain and disappointment, but there I stood at the other end…. looking stupid and talking about I need some time to myself. She obviously felt deceived, and in that moment I thought of how many times I thought a man knew what he wanted and I planned a future in my head.

That moment alone made me not ever want to toy with anyone’s emotions again, neither man nor woman. I learned that it’s important to know who both people are in a relationship and that each of those individuals know themselves as well. Having endured such, I often wonder how men are able to run through women and not feel any guilt or discomfort from that type of behavior. 

I thought of her often, but I never reached back out in that way. We’re friends on social media, and I’m happy she was able to move on and find love.